You know I dont even know how all this is coming across to any of you--I know that for me it wasnt hard any of it--well not after I got use to it--I think I will try to tell you a little of what was going on when all this started with me--before I knew to much of any thing I knew I had a friend that would help me and teach me --at the time I was in need of such a friend--I had not started any schooling yet so I suppose I was pretty young--I recieved alot of understandings of things that I thought was just so--that knowing and understanding got me through alot of things that otherwise I dont think I could have lived through--as I got older the understanding was there but some how my friend got more distant from me--after awhile I had very little memory of him--but things would always happen --odd and strange things that I didnt really tell to many people about--I found that I couldnt really tell anyone the things I experienced --or saw or even knew--I didnt seem to fit any where either--so I just had a wonderful time alone--I tell you the things I got to experience and see and know and feel were amazing--I was never sure of the why,who,what of any of it --then I began to get in coming--I mean everybody duck in coming--and I wasnt able to make heads or tails of any of it but it didnt stop or slow down--so I had to try to work it all out--well to make a long story short--I did --after we got it going -- between god and me--I had to follow instruction--it has never mattered how dumb I have to look and I always do--thats another story--I always know when I am suppose to do a certain thing--I never really even know till it is happening--this makes life very interesting let me tell you--I have called him every name in the book--I have quit so many times it makes my head spin--I guess the hardest thing was getting the stuff coming in --to be something I could put words on--it was actually rediculous at times--I mean I wasnt getting it and he was doing some really bizzare stuff --hell some times I had to just bust out laughing cause of the shit we were doing--no one would have understood what the hell was going on--there were times I would look like a friggin idiot cause the jerk would leave off if someone showed up--any way thats kind of how things have been going as long as I can remember--I do have a job to do--I know that no pone else can do it--I do know that every thing will be fine-- it always is--and I will probably look silly most of the time while Im doing it--but thats the way it always seems to go--so I just wanted to tell you that--before I go to much farther--I have some things that I have been seeing coming in --but its not totally in yet--but I just wanted to tell you some times I get jumbled inside--and things will come out that way--not always--there are times when it is like a well oiled machine--then there are times I am running on empty with flat tires my lights dont work an its raining and my wipers dont wipe--I dont worry though because I am very well backed by some pretty big guns and I dont mean weapons--I actually cant screw anything up which is great Im thinking--not only that I have a loop I call it--inside my head I guess you would say--that way when I miss something I can put it on the loop and it gets back around sooner or later--its great for me because alot of this stuff is fast--when I just seeing one another one goes zooming by--I dont know about anyone else but I would of thought all this would have been alot better planned out-- you know--well there you have it---I feel alot better now about all this--I hope I did what I was thinking I was doing --or else I just wasted a whole lot of time for nothing-- I will try harder I dont think that works but I will try -- thank you so much for your time and understanding---we get to do more training today--just wait till we tell you about that-- thanks again PIXY AND THE CREE-A-TOR
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